“Do you not perceive it? I am doing a new thing” God told me last year….
Walks into the door of 2024…Well, God, it doesn’t look like it… 😑👀
Then he begins telling me… “I am with you… You are not alone”.
…
Haha, I am cracking up at how my conversations with God go sometimes. Just thinking about how this has been our dialogue the last few months coming into 2024.
But, let me give you more context…
Have you seen the 2002 film called A Walk to Remember? I had not seen that film in such a long time. I remember one night, in early February, I decided to join my mom in watching this movie. I had no clue how it was going to end. I remember I kept asking questions. “Is this a sad movie?” “Is it a rom-com?”… My mom just tells me “I can’t tell you, just watch and see. I got a little nervous because I did not know what to expect and she didn’t know I had been emotional that week about wanting to be married some day soon.
I continue to watch the movie. I am reminded of the beautiful voice Mandy Moore has as her character Jaime graces the stage play in the movie and she begins to sing the song “Only Hope”. I believe at this point the character Landon was falling for her. Haha
I won’t spoil the story. If you haven’t seen it please go watch it! But I will say that by the end of the movie I was bawling crying. I had burst into tears. My mom had a look of such concern, like what’s wrong!! I had to explain to her that, for some reason I felt in my spirit to start listening to a wedding playlist that I had started to curate for a few years now. I had been listening to that playlist everyday that week, so of course my thoughts were often on that subject.
When I had watched this film, not remembering any of the plot or storyline. I was shook!! I did not expect the story to unfold the way it did. This storyline had stirred up emotions for this desire to be deeply loved. I have come to know how God deeply loves me, but I want to experience how God loves me through a man of God, created and formed by God for me. Seeing the love displayed in this movie, sent me into a spiral. I started to tell my mom that have anxiety about never experiencing this kind of love on earth before Jesus comes back for us or before I die. 🙃
It’s hilarious now, but I really was saddened by this thought. All I can do is keep praying it will happen, and be patient until it does.
Although this movie stirred up emotions about experiencing true love on this earth, It reminded me of God’s love for me. How he is and has been my counselor, my strength, brings me peace, a God that will supply all my needs, builds me up when I am low, instills wisdom and knowledge that helps me grow.
This journey that I am on in growing in relationship with him is… A Walk to Remember”
As stated before I believe God told me that I am walking into a new season in 2024. I remember on the night of July 24, 2023, I began to read my bible and spend time with the lord. The following morning I was to take the board exam I mentioned in my last blog post. He led me to read Isaiah 42 and 43. Isaiah 43:19 stuck out to me the most during that study time. It was God telling me that this past season of my life was over. It was time for me to walk into the new season. I was filled with so much hope that I was going to pass and walk into other doors God began to open my eyes to. Long story short. The next morning, I took the exam and I passed!!! 🎉
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” -Isaiah 43:19
During the months prior to this from about April to July, I had been learning a lot about spiritual warfare and learning how partner with the Lord and fight. One thing I had began to do was not share things until it is done or unless he has told me to share it. I had learned about monitoring spirits. I was not walking in fear, but given this knew spiritual knowledge I figure it wouldn’t hurt to partner with God in that way.
After taking a break from studying, I had begun studying around April. It had worked out that my schedule was freed up for me to go find a private space to study during the day. I went back to my old university campus. When I would begin my study session, I would spend time with God first before I began to study. I read empowering books about people in the bible, my fav (The Deborah Anointing by Michelle McClain-Walters) or did prayer and/or a devotional. Then I found the lord helped me to start finding the areas I needed to work on studying and teach them to myself. I was on this journey for those few months and had not fully share what I was doing, nor did I share that I had signed up for the exam or when I did. I asked for those constantly asking me, to allow me to set this boundary. On one end I had anxiety, but also the spiritual attacks against my advancement was so heavy. During previous exam attempts, I’d share about when I was taking it, due to pressure from people in my life, even though I knew I needed to keep it between me and God.
After passing… of course I cried and had a mini celebration and thanked the lord. I shared with everyone that knew about this journey. Then, the enemy came through people closest to me and tried to steal that joy. Letting me know… I may be out of that previous season, but he’s still after my advancement and my faith in what God is doing.
Fast forward and I am now looking to move and make decisions about what’s next for my career. Sharing these things with people is not bad, but it can be quite confusing when you notice a pattern. A pattern of: When I share something that I am planning to do that I have faith the lord gave me the blessing to move forward in…. the people closest to me project their fears onto me/ my situation. Even when the blessing came through, doubts that it was God’s hand in it are spoken.
Therefore, I felt led to also keep the process of moving and career decisions to myself or with only people I knew were wise counsel. I had everything in place and ready to move. Being human, I started to think, since I am closer to taking this step, I should tell them whats going on, because we are close and they’d be affected by the change. So, I did and was met with more doubts and fears and left in confusion. Fast forward, I go on this journey of processing whether or not I should move forward or slow down on this.
I had began to question whether God had spoken to me about stepping into this new season or if it was just a coincidence in me passing but the rest of what he told me wasn’t true. Maybe I was listening to the enemy. I had come to a place of not trusting what I believe God told me and listened to voices of others. I ended up canceling the move. I cried a lot and a wave of sadness came over. Not realizing I had accepted a lie.
I have learned it does not matter who a person is in your life, if they share the same faith, or if they have given sound advice in the past. Their voice of reasoning does not take priority to Gods voice. These people may not intentionally mean harm, but satan can have an influence on their words, as it could be projection from their own fears.
TAKE EVERY WORD TO GOD!!! Even the words you hear yourself and may want to speak to other people.
I spent so much time learning to hear God’s voice and I was doing just fine until I let other voices come in.
With that being true, I take responsibility for my actions in coming into agreement with that doubt and fear. From that, stagnation came, I no longer felt like I was walking into a new season anymore. God still had me covered and was still working in me and revealing new things, but I recognize that I should have held onto that promise/ instruction that God gave me, even if it did not make sense to others. I spent so much time asking for God for confirmation before making the move, when given the answer, I should have stood confident and in faith. I know the door is still open right now at least.. As his word says no man can shut doors he opens (paraphrasing, Revelations 3:8).
“‘I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut. I know that you have but little power, and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.” – Revelations 3:8
I knew through the holy spirit why I was making the move. It wasn’t to move just to say that I can or to just have this place of freedom where I can do what I want…independent woman life. No! I desire to be with family… but I knew from many prayers with the lord that this was a step into further growth, character development, and space to heal without further relational wounds. It was to further prepare me to be who I am called to be for my future husband, children, and show up as the best version of my self for myself and family. I recognize the need for a space where I can flourish in learning more about myself and learn more about what God wants to do next.
As you reflect on your life, have you experienced something like this?
I recognize that all though in the physical/ materialistic sense staying put where I am has been a safety net, but spiritually…staying where I am has been draining and mentally exhausting. I realize after I made my decision to forfeit that step, I kept being reminded of why I was taking that step in the first place. In such a subtle way I see why obedience to God is so important.
This has been “A Walk to Remember”
I am reminded of how deeply God loves me. He loves me so much that through his word he reminds me that I don’t have to stay in a place that hurts me or causes me to stop growing, I can over came this.
He wants the best for me. He knows these decisions are hard. These choices wouldn’t be so hard, if we just went with the flow of his direction. In 2024, he has constantly reminded me of the previous journeys I have been on and how he has been with me all along.
I often feel alone at times. But never lonely. As he keeps reminding me that he is with me.
On this walk in growing deeper in love with God, I recognize that he wants me to learn his voice so well that, it is only his voice that I follow and obey. That may mean a season of removing me from all the other voices. Although, scary… I think I am ready now 😅
“I give you my destiny
I’m giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I’m giving it backSo I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours I know now you’re my only hope” – Mandy Moore “Only Hope”
…
God says “I am with you” friend.
Remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE SEEN. YOU ARE HEARD. YOU ARE LOVED.
“Take that next step… Go shine your light unto the nations”
– Shardea Nicole –
Designed to Radiate 
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